Sunday, December 10, 2006

Recipe for Disaster

Ho Ho Ho pfffft! The color red is not exactly the happy Christmas type of red. it is more the type of red which usually accompanies steam blowing through ears.

You may have detected that I am in a somewhat grumpy mood. I wasn't earlier, but I certainly am now. Here's why.

  • Take one 7 1/2 foot artificial Christmas tree (complete with 700 pre-attached mini lights).

  • Add in two sane adults (okay, sort of sane).

  • Mix gently.

  • Oh! Don't' forget to add that there is no logical place in this house for a tree that big!!!


This is a powerful enough cocktail sure to fry anybody's tootsies.

Now, this is not the first time that I have been wondering where in the heckers this monster tree was going to go. You see, it moved with us last year, but it didn't go up last year. It sat quietly in the garage, not bothering a soul, but I heard it calling from the bowels of the garage....it said 'Where are you going to put me? Where are you going to put me? There is no place to put me...heh heh.'. Oh yes, I heard it for the past year and a half, and I dreaded this Christmas when we would actually have to force it to stand somewhere, anywhere.

But it didn't. Stand anywhere that is. It's just too frigging big! It's too wide. It blocks the doorways. It blocks the windows. We even tried putting it together with only the two top pieces, so that it would be like a mini tree.

Oh! There was also a casualty. One of the little mini bulbs also fell off, which means that one of the 700 lights is missing, and one of those sections probably won't light. Argh!

It ended up looking like a dwarf tree. Worse than a dwarf tree. With a lot of bald spots.

Now, while it was being moved, and assembled, and un-assembled, and moved, its lovely little green branch thingies were falling all over the place (thank goodness our house gets cleaned tomorrow, because the floor looks like Chuckie has done a number here!!!).

I know what is going to happen. We are going to go to the store, again, to try to find a tree (I only hope it's not a tabletop tree...I really really don't want one of those....and my apologies to those of you who have them and like them).

At this point, I'd even be happy with a little Charlie Brown type of tree. The little tree that nobody wanted..




9 comments:

Skittles said...

Awwww... how disappointing! So are you going to look for a shorter, skinnier one?

Mike said...

I used to do the same thing with real trees, we'd go out and pick a wonderful looking tree and end up cutting off about 2 feet to fit it in the room. But then again, we had 9 ft ceilings then. Time to get a 6 footer eh? I hope you get something you can use :) It can be a bit frustrating at this time of year.

masgblog said...

6 footer? No way. 2!

I don't want the perfect tree witht he perfect balls....I want a bad tree!

HeatherinBeautifulBritishColumbia said...

I started to leave a comment after meeting you on Skittle's Chat Box then reading your post - but you reminded me of our last years' tree and I ended up writing a post about it.

You'll just have to come read it to hear my thoughts on your treeless state :)

Crunchy Carpets said...

Oh my.....
My mom and I grew up in the UK and poor, so buying REAL trees was a very Canadian thing to do.
However, since I have moved out she has said every single year that she wants a fake one.

Well last year I think she bought 3 separate fake trees, assembled them, hated them and took them back!!!

All waaaay too big for a tiny townhome....

So yet again...off we went to the tree lot!

tg said...

Put it on the front porch. Or on the deck (do ya have a deck?).

maggie said...

That stinks. Bottom line. Dragging the tree out and in is just way to much work.

masgblog said...

tg - the 700 mini lights are solidly attached to the tree and are indoor lights, so not recommended for outdoor use.

Jeni said...

Sometimes, maybe a "Charlie Brown tree" is the best choice after all! We don't have the artifical tree with the lights attached already - just a plain artificial tree - but have all the headaches every year of where to put it, how to re-arrange all the other furniture, etc. And with more toys, paraphenalia for toddlers and babies both seeming to have a mushrooming effect here, it's no easy task!